Friday, July 16, 2004
Why Won't the Voice Inside My Head Stop Talking to Me????
Oh, yeah...because it is my own.
I think it was Plato who said that "The unexamined life is not worth living." I agree, to a point.
There is certainly such a thing as too much navel gazing. I simply cannot get out of my own head these days. It is very distracting, and I think it is going to drive me crazy if I cannot make it stop. I seem to have way too much time on my hands these days and far too few positive distractions. The negative ones (distractions) are plentiful and strong, the positive ones, not so much. Yes, I realize I am using the word distraction in two different senses in the same paragraph, but cannot think of a better way to phrase it. I think you guys are smart enough to separate them.
I was out on the golf course on Thursday (playing badly, as I could not get out of my head), and mentioned to one of the guys that I was not certain if I needed a golf coach or a therapist. His reply was along the lines that they were one in the same. Hmmm, I wonder if they'd charge twice: for the golf tips and the therapy???
When I was a child, I was the one who was always looking forward to the end of summer and going back to school in the fall. I enjoyed my summer vacations, but found myself itchin' to get back into the classroom earlier than most of my peers. I find myself sort of feeling the same way know that I teach for a living. Although I am not so sure that in this case (adult life) the looking forward part is all that healthy.
I know that when the students get back to campus in late August that my life will be quickly filled with plenty of things that will absolutely demand my complete attention, as well as take up several hours of my time every day. I usually work 6+ days a week when classes are in session, and I don't often have time to engage in much, if any introspection. It seems then that some time for reflection would be good. I guess it is just a matter of too much time for it now, and too little time coming soon.
It does not help that there is a lot of anxiety and uncertainty surrounding myself, my friends, my colleagues, and to a certain extent, the whole campus right now. Not too mention the bigger picture of the war, the economy, and the campaign and election coming this fall. There is a lot of unhappiness and discontent running around right now and I seem to be channeling too much of it right now.
I am leaving on Sunday morning for a trip to Ames, IA for a conference. I am driving there with one of my colleagues. Maybe this will be a chance for the voice in my head to stop and for a few positive distractions to engage my under-utilized mind. I certainly hope so.
If you managed to read all of this and have any advice for making the voice take a break (that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol), drop me a line and let me know.
10:10 PM in personal
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Comments
Having dealt with a lot of the same voices, I have found a couple of things that work for me. First, I write down everything I am thinking in a spiral notebook. Somehow this does help me look at things more logically AND get the offending ideas out of my head. It makes them manageable, smaller than the mountains I make in my head from the molehills they actually are. Even the big stuff seems less of an obstacle when I do this.
Secondly, as cliche as it sounds, meditation. I cannot do the zazen sit and count breaths necessarily. I run a hot bath, light some candles and make one my focus. I stare at the flame and let the rest of the world go away while I am in that place. It does get easier with practice, and everyone has his own way of making the world go away. For some it is golf. Others, it is TV or video games or music. Baking is another. For a long time mine was eating till I realized how unhealthy that was for me. Eep!
Talking to friends who can help you see things and work through the difference in your perception and their perception helps a lot too. Lean on those you trust. It strengthens ties as well, with the right people.
I hope that helps some. Have a safe trip to Iowa. Maybe driving could be your meditation? :)
Posted by: Alicia at Jul 16, 2004 11:44:28 PM
Gee, I don't know--mine stayed with me for six months. Alicia's suggestions sound good, and I concur that writing things down helps to "place" them somewhere outside the head--therefore, less worry about them because they are safely stored and won't be "forgotten" (as if one could forget things that niggle and worry). I've used my weblog for that, then started a secret weblog when it looked like I was depressing my readers to the point of boredom. At the outside, just know it passes, and that you have something to look forward to, and just tread water until things change. Best of luck!
Posted by: susan at Jul 17, 2004 6:37:56 AM
