Ramifications

So... I got engaged on Tuesday.  Yep.  I'm going to get married for the second (and last) time.  Susan and I are pretty excited.  I am moving throuhg all manner of emotions: excitement, anxiety, elation, anxiety...  My friend Mike (one of 10 or so friends I have named Mike or Michael...but that is another story) thinks we are going too fast, but I am not feeling that way at all.  I guess I am just realizing that my life has gotten much more complicated, and much more simple, in equal measure, with just one question.

Susan and I will be moving in together this month, me into her house with her and her cat George.  And that is perhaps the strangest thing of all.  I got a call from the cat's attorney the other day.  I did not think that George could even dial the phone, much less retain counsel.

It seems that George wants a meeting with me to discuss the terms under which I'll be allowed to move into the aforementioned house.  You see, he thinks has me over a barrel.  He knows I am allergic to him, giving him some measure of control.  Simply rubbing himself up against my face while I sleep could cause some mild misery on my part.  So it would seem he feels in a position of authority from which to dictate terms.  I personally feel that this is extortion, but I am obviously biased.

George and I got along, or at least I thought so.  He stayed out of my reach for the first few months Susan and I dated, and was pretty aloof.  He has an obnoxious streak.  One day I arrived early to Susan's (before I got a key) and was locked out.  Kitty sat at the window next to the door and mocked me.  I told him that was not nice at all, and he proceeded to flip me the bird and then had the audacity to moon me.  I figured it was some sort of initiation ritual.

I have tried to win him over with food.  I rise more easily in the morning than Susan does, and so I generally get out of bed at first (or second) meow-ing and walk downstairs to dump some kibble into his bowl.  I have also slipped him steak, chicken and shrimp when I am cooking.  The little bugger has never once said Thank You.

So, I am going to Susan's this afternoon to take the meeting and see what he puts on the table.  I am a reasonable man, and more than willing to meet him halfway.  Afterall, he has been with Susan for over 10 years.  I am not seeking to replace him, or displace him.  But I do want some accomodations.  After all, I have a couple of options of my own to dangle over his head should he prove intractable and choose to play hardball:

1.  Catnip.  I can always hook the little hairball, and become his dealer.  We'll see who "owns" who.  Not necessarily a nice thing to do to kitty, but far better than the so-called nuclear option:

2.  Getting a puppy.

I'll try to keep you up to date on what happens.